24 Things I Remember
about Being a 4a.m. Custodian at the John Taylor Religion Building at BYU-Idaho
1.
Cleaning the bathrooms and listening to NPR on the radio; NPR is
word-for-word identical from 4a.m.-5a.m. and 5a.m.-6a.m.
2.
The sickly sweet, medicinal scent of Foamy Q&A and CDC-10
3.
Finding a brown recluse spider on the underside of the toilet
seat in the men’s bathroom… just waiting to bite someone on the bum!
4.
Cleaning the windows on the outside of the doors and being terrified that a spider was going to
drop onto my head
5.
Professors coming in and thanking us for the “sweet feeling of
reverence” we brought to the building; snickering about the music we had to
turn off at 6:30a.m. precisely so that said professors wouldn’t be bothered by
non-hymns
6.
The absolute reeking stench of one Brother’s office, which he carried
on his clothing and into his classroom; how much I wanted to put an air freshener
in his office… and how one miraculously showed up when his wife started teaching
and shared the office with him
Full disclosure: He had some herbs from Jerusalem, not a B.O.
problem
7.
Using the backpack canister vacuum on the stairs… feeling paranoid that
anytime I sucked up a spider alive, it was going to crawl back out and bite me!
8.
The time I spotted a Brown Recluse from 50 feet away and nobody
believed I could have seen one that far away… but I did and they found and
killed it right where I said it was
9.
How incredibly many cheerios, crayons and crumpled papers the
married student ward left on the floor of the chapel every week
10.
Finding out the Tanzanian man I had a secret crush on was
married… and 13 years older than me; why must Africans have such good skin?
11.
Deciding I wanted 8 children someday because families with 8
children filled up the picture frames in all of the professors’ offices better
than any other number; ceasing to share this rationale with friends when they
consistently laughed and told me that filling up a picture frame was not a good
enough reason to have 8 children
12.
After more than a year working in the same building, wondering what
would happen if I left the professors notes informing them it was time to update
their family picture?
13.
Dropping a delicate seashell while feather dusting a bookshelf
in a professors office and worrying that it was some priceless heirloom from
his honeymoon... learning he accepted my apology and that it was a priceless
heirloom from an anniversary trip to his honeymoon location
14.
The time our boss started a wet paper-towel fight among all of
the employees in the atrium
15.
The last day of each semester when our boss cooked breakfast for
us; finishing my assignment early and getting to help cook instead of doing
odd-jobs
16.
Saturday mornings when we’d all sit around on rolls of carpet in
the foyer and eat donuts for breakfast or, on our "healthier" weeks, bananas and
chocolate milk
17.
Seeing a test answer booklet on a secretary’s desk for a class I
was taking and not looking
18.
Walking to work in the dark, in below-freezing temperatures and
gale force winds… walking at an angle
because the wind kept pushing me sideways; the first time I ever saw an
umbrella flip inside-out
19.
Being so dead tired I slept through my alarm clock and all of
its iterations
20.
Going back to sleep after work: welcome sweet oblivion
21.
Sitting on a bench outside the Taylor building between work and
my first class and seeing a spider as big
as my clenched fist come skittering toward me; being unable to scream, I
was so paralyzed with fright
22.
Attempting to clean outside windows in the dead of winter and
watching the spray freeze instantly on the window panes; feeling flummoxed about
how to accomplish this task, then sheepish when I learned you simply don’t
clean windows that are frozen, an experience I’d never had growing up in
Phoenix
23.
Listening to coworkers say things in various African languages
and repeating them back perfectly; being praised for having a good ear for
languages
24.
Annual custodian cookouts in the facilities lot
I loved #6! All the pieces come together eventually! By the way, thanks for the new word: flummoxed. I like it!
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